Seven Year Stumble

IMG_1190p8x10It happened again today. Like it does a lot. But after seven year I stumbled. Someone asked me how many kids I have and I didn’t quite know what to say.

I’ve written about this before and I’m sure I’ll write about it again. It’s something that I’ll forever question.

How do I reply?

Well, I’ve carried five babies full term. I’ve labored and delivered them. Held them in my arms and kissed their sweet little faces.

But one of them I had to give back – almost immediately.

In my heart I know he’s mine. Yet I can’t find him in my arms.

So I continue to occasionally hesitate.

There’s no easy way to quantify my family size. It will always be difficult.

And even though I have a good life and am incredibly happy, missing Luca is one thing that will always tug at my heart strings.

There will always be someone missing at our dinner table – someone special. Someone who I keep safely tucked into my heart, always.

I stumbled when replying earlier, but I want to spell it out on here: I am the proud mother of five beautiful babies. Five babies that I love with all my heart. Five babies that I can’t wait to live with forever. Five babies. Forever.

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