Boogers on the Wall

I know you’ve been there. You’re on a family road trip. It’s hot outside. There are two water bottles with condensation pooling on the sides sitting an arms-length away.

You are thirsty but you don’t know if you want to drink. You don’t know if you dare.

Why?

Because if you reach for one of the water bottles, one of your offspring will see you. They will beg and cry for a sip. And you don’t know if you can handle that again.

Forget the fact that they just had one. Forget the fact that you just stopped at another gas station so they could use the bathroom. Forget the fact that you thought you could sneak a sip without them noticing.

They. Always. Notice.

So you sit thirsty. Wondering if you could pull it off.

Finally you give in. And then you hand the bottle to the back seat.

Then you find yourself hauling your four and two-year-olds into another gas station restroom. Why are you stuck wrestling the two youngest in a tiny stall while each of the three of you take turns going to the bathroom?

Because your two oldest boys are too old to go into the women’s restroom unless they absolutely have to.

So you stand cramped into the corner of a dirty stall holding it while the two-year-old – who is wearing a diaper – insists she goes first.

When you finally get your turn, you have to go at lightning speed. Otherwise one of your kids will flush while you are still sitting and the other will open the door before you are ready.

I can’t tell you how many times my kids unlock and swing the hinges while I’m still sitting on the pot.

It’s awesome.

I also can’t tell you how many times I found myself searching for a potty while road tripping this week. It’s one of my least favorite parts of driving to a vacation destination.

I get so nervous that someone is going to have to go while we are in the middle of a dessert that I limit everyone’s liquid intake until we are all completely parched.

For some reason it feels like my kids ask for a drink ten times as many times as they normally would because they are bored out of their minds.

Maybe next time I’ll leave the water bottles home. But I get thirsty sometimes too.

Maybe I’ll make everyone wear diapers. Now that would be something.