Scentimental

ScentsyI have had the same Scentsy wax in the candle warmer on my piano for four-and-a-half years now.

Why?

Because it takes me back. Back to when I had my little baby Luca.

It was a whirlwind time. I gave birth to him stillborn on a Thursday evening then found myself in a funeral planning his services the following afternoon. People came and went. They brought gifts. They brought food. They brought sympathy cards.

Some didn’t know what to say. Some said it perfectly with tears streaming down both our cheeks. Some were too afraid to come at all.

I don’t remember a lot of details from that time. I know I took pain medicine to help me through trips to the funeral florist and baby tuxedo shop – not to mention the ache from my milk coming in. I know family members came to our house to be near us. Even though there was nothing any of us could do.

I can’t remember everything, but I do remember that smell. Through all the visits, the chaos, the heartache and tears, the Calypso scent rose from my candle warmer.

And to this day when that smell hits my nose I am taken to a different time. I turned the warmer on Tuesday night and thought of my third little boy.

I love to remember him. His cute chubby cheeks. His soft little body.

But remembering him also brings pain. I wish I could have known more of him.

As I watch my new little baby squeak, squirm and snuggle into me I can’t help but wish I could have had that with him. There’s nothing in the world like a baby. And even though I have a better acceptance of losing Luca, I’ll always wish I could have brought him home.

Maybe that’s why I keep the Scentsy wax hardened in the warmer on my piano. So that when I light it and the scent envelopes me, I can feel like he’s here. It connects me to him and makes the heaviness in my heart a little lighter.

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