Boogers on the Wall

I hate going to the doctor. Not because I hate modern-day medicine. But I am a tight wad who hates paying an unnecessary co-pay. And I am really bad at predicting whether an illness is doctor-visit worthy or not.

My youngest son was really sick this week. He was up all night a couple of nights with a really bad fever. Nothing I did could soothe my poor, miserable baby.

After a couple of sleepless nights and I-can’t-stay-awake-for-the-life-of-me-afternoons, I broke down and called the doctor.

And what happened? Absolutely nothing.

I took him in and he was fine. No ear infection. No sore throat. No croup.

Although that is extremely great news, it frustrated the crap out of me.

I can’t tell you how many times my children have been extremely sick during the night and early morning hours, only to make a miraculous recovery right before I take them in to the pediatrician.

I half wonder if my cell phone is magical. It seems like whenever I call to make a doctor’s appointment my children immediately start feeling better.

Then I go back and forth thinking should I cancel the appointment or take them in? It’s like playing physician roulette. .

Normally my guilty conscience talks me into taking them in. That’s what happened on Tuesday. I kept thinking, “What if he really does have an ear infection? What if his ear is burning with pain? What if his eardrum ruptures all because I want to save a buck and keep him home?”

It’s too bad my 6-month-old can’t tell me how he really feels or what really is hurting.

Someone needs to invent a Should-I-Take-Them-To-The-Doctor? kit for moms. It should come with one of those magnified stick-up-the-nose-or-in-the-ear-and-shine-a-light-inside tools. That way I could scan my son’s ears before assuming his new grabbing-at-the-lobe trait is an infection.

It’d also be nice to have a tongue depressor/flashlight combo. Then I could force open his mouth and see how red it really is way back where.

I don’t know how they could do it, but I also would need an is-it-appendicitis? type tummy scanner.

I could use the kit before paying someone else to spend 5 minutes glancing at my child and diagnosing them with a common cold.

I love my kids and I want them to be healthy but I hate feeling like I just gave a doctor $20 for them to tell me to give my child more Tylenol. I am starting to form an opinion that if the doctor can’t fix it, I shouldn’t have to pay.

Especially because usually before I take my kids in, I have already given them Tylenol for two days straight to no avail.

I know that isn’t realistic and deep down I am extremely grateful for my pediatrician. I just get frustrated when one of my babies is really sick yet there is nothing “wrong” with them.

Luckily we are a healthy family who doesn’t visit the doctor very often.