Boogers on the Wall

We are down to one binky at our house. Which means I’m always franticly looking in every nook and cranny for the soothing mouth-sucking device.

I’m constantly on the search for the green hospital-style Soothie that keeps my 6-month-old pacified.

And we all know how well I do when I lose things.

I need to invent a special microchip to plant inside the plastic lining of all binkies. Something that is activated when a baby starts to fuss, sounding off a major alarm and bright flashing beacon, honing all mothers in to the exact location of the life-saving tool.

Of course I’d have to make a different silent-locating system for nighttime. Because although the binky has got to be within a 6-inch radius of my baby’s head, it’s nearly impossible to find in the dark – especially through zombie-style, bloodshot middle-of-the-night vision.

No matter how many times I sweep the crib for the little sucker, I never find it easily. Half the time it’s tucked under my baby’s double chin.

The most frustrating part? Hearing my baby cry while I search for the stupid thing. Because I’m never looking for it while he’s happily playing on his own. I seem to always notice it’s lost when he’s screaming.

And for some reason, it’s virtually impossible for me to crawl beneath furniture and rapidly scan secret corners of my house while I’m carrying around a 20-pound screaming bundle.

It’s a double edge sword. I can put him down and hopefully find the thing much quicker, knowing he will scream at the top of his lungs the whole time I’m searching, or I can run around stressed out with him on my hip while I try to soothe him and search at the same time.

In my defense, the rounded style of the outer part of his binky makes it roll very easily. I could drop it on a flat surface and find it 30 feet away. I do have to admit that 90 percent of the time we find it in one of three places – my pocket, my diaper bag or shoved down in one of the couch cushions.

Why don’t I buy some more? Honestly I don’t know. But deep down I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter how many binkies I would buy, I’d still always be searching for one.

And for some reason my son only likes one particular brand.

I have four perfectly clean, nice, brand new other binkies. But he doesn’t want anything to do with them. They are too short and stubby for him.

A couple of weeks ago I got him to gag on one for an afternoon. I lost his favorite green one in the morning and refused to run to the store for a new one. I thought for sure the green guy would turn up.

I had high hopes that he was starting to adapt to the new style of pacifier. But he was just teasing me.

Once bedtime rolled around, he wanted his favorite one back. He wouldn’t take the new type at all during the night.

It was horrible. I survived the night by acting like his human binky, letting him nurse whenever he made a peep.

Luckily my husband found the old favorite in a toy box the next morning – undoubtedly put there by my four-year-old who helps me lose everything.

I don’t know what to do. I probably should break down and buy a 20 pack of his favorite Soothie kind and stash them in every pocket, bag, bed, blanket, etc.

Although I complain about constantly losing the binky, I wouldn’t want to live without it. That’s why I search like mad when it’s lost.  He doesn’t take it all the time, but when he’s really tired it helps calm him enough so he can sleep. And I definitely want him to sleep.

Deep down, part of me wishes that he were a thumb sucker. I definitely would have a hard time losing that.