Helping Hands

30 Jun 2011 Leave a comment

by Natalie in Failed Housewife, What's a mom to do? Tags: ,

Whoever said that many hands make light work has never tried to complete simple household chores with a 2 and 4 year old.

A while ago I asked my kids if they felt “strong” enough to help me rip the sheets off of my bed. Oh they felt strong enough all right. I left my room for less than 30 seconds to grab a new set of sheets from my bathroom only to return to two ghost-like shapes poking from under my mattress cover.

They had crawled under the bottom-most sheet and were using it as a tent.

I read somewhere when I was a brand new mom that you should rest when your child rests, eat when they eat, sleep when they sleep, etc. Well, I have tried to take that advice but it’s too hard for me. If I do that, not only do I leave out any extra time for myself, but I leave out any cleaning time. So, I took another approach and decided to enlist their help while cleaning.

I don’t know if that was a good decision. Sometimes my boys are too “helpful.”

You should see me try to clean our fish tank with their help. One of them helps scrape algae off the glass while the other holds the siphoning hose’s end in to the water bucket. Not only do we end up nearly killing Nemo, but inevitably the hose gets dropped and we splash water all over the wall, ceiling, floor and ourselves as we try to suck the tanks rocks clean.

How many of you have tried to clean your bathroom with your young kids’ help? No matter how many times I tell my 2-year-old to stand back while I’m using bleach cleaner on the bathtub, he still ends up with a bleached out streak across his clothes near his tummy. The curiosity is too much for him and he has to lean over the ceramic edge.

Dusting is also pretty fun for us. My boys fight about who gets to be the “sprayer.” Then whoever wins that battle usually wastes half the bottle of furniture polish because he likes the way it foams. My shelves definitely get shiny. Just don’t hop quickly onto our piano bench on any day we’ve dusted. You’ll launch yourself across the room.

Vacuuming has got to be one of the hardest chores to get done with their “help.” They both love it so they fight, scream and yell for their “turn.” That’s one chore I wish I could do while they were sleeping.

I don’t know what the answer is. I could clean after they went to bed but then they wouldn’t learn how to help. They really would think a fairy came in the night to clean things up.

I think it’s good to have their help. It’s good to teach them how to do chores. I just have to make sure to clean on days that I have a lot of patience saved up. For many times their helpful cleaning leads to more messes. Maybe they have the saying wrong, it’s not that many hands make light work but its many helpful hands make light work.

Everything He Needs To Know He’ll Learn In Kindergarten

23 Jun 2011 8 Comments

by Natalie in What's a mom to do? Tags: , ,

I do not want to send my son to all-day kindergarten. Some of you may call me crazy, but I’m definitely not looking forward to it. With each passing day I feel more dread for the fall, when I no longer will have him here all day to play with.

I know it’s only from about 8:30 a.m. until 3 p.m. but that’s six and a half hours without my baby! Wow. What am I going to do? What is my 2-year-old going to do?

I know I am not thinking rationally and there are plenty of things that I can do with my 2-year-old to stay busy while his brother is gone. It’s just that he and his brother are best friends. Sometimes I think they should have been twins. The three of us have a blast together and now it’s going to be very different.

Don’t worry, I plan on taking my youngest to the local children’s museum for toddler time, and I’m sure we’ll spend most of our Wednesdays at our public library’s discover day. We’ll do all the things I did with my oldest when he was an only child.

My 2-year-old will probably be just fine acting as king of the house while he’s the only child at home. Until he has another sibling someday… whenever that may be. It would have been nice for him to have a little brother to play with, but things don’t always happen they way we plan them to.

Anyway, there are a number of reasons why it’s hard for me to let go of my son and send him to school. For one, I love his company. I have spent 99.9 percent of his 4-and-a-half years with him. He has literally been at my side from day one. When he was a newborn he would sit on the couch next to me in his Boppy pillow while I typed up freelance articles for the Deseret News. I was so happy to have him that I wanted him with me all the time.

It’s also hard for me to see him go because I gave up a lot when I had him. It changed my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I chose to have him and become a stay-at-home mom. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for me to turn my back on my college education and dream career. Now that he’s going to school I feel abandoned. I gave up so much for him and now he’s leaving me!

Again, I know I am being dramatic. He’ll come home to me every afternoon and we’ll live it up in the evenings. I loved school and so I am so excited for him to get to learn and grow like I did. I am actually a little jealous that he gets to go do all the things I loved doing.

I am just going to miss him so badly while he’s gone. I also don’t want to have any regrets. I keep asking myself if we have read enough stories, watched enough Disney movies, fought enough “wars” or found enough dinosaur bones in the backyard together. Have I done all that I could with him? Will the memories be enough to carry me over while he’s gone?

I sure hope so. Because whether I like it or not, he’s going to turn 5 this summer and I’m going to have to turn him over to his teacher for most of his waking moments. That’s when I’ll live for early-out day, the weekends and summer vacation.

Tainted Food

16 Jun 2011 4 Comments

by Natalie in Uncategorized Tags: ,

NO! I seriously found a black hair in my wrap at my favorite restaurant! Now where am I going to eat? Because anyone who knows me well, knows that I won’t be able to swallow a trip back there for a while.

No matter how much a restaurant manager reassures me that his kitchen staff uses every precaution to prevent straying hair contaminations, I still can’t shake the fact that I nearly ingested a human hair that was trapped inside my meal.

Yuck! I don’t care that you rushed to make me a new wrap and gave it to me “gratis,” I still won’t be able to come back to dine for a while. My gag reflex is just too sensitive.

It’s been more than 5 years since I had a similar experience at a popular Salt Lake City restaurant. My girlfriend and I spotted a black hair in my pasta bowl at lunch. Seriously? Come on people. I still haven’t gone back there since.

When my husband and I were dating, I finally convinced him to try a fast-food Italian joint. I reassured him that they had awesome food, only to find a fly melted into the Swiss cheese of my sandwich. The manager didn’t even offer to give me my money back just another sandwich. Yeah right! Who can eat after that?

I don’t know what restaurants could do to win back customer loyalty after experiences like this. But I do have a suggestion for restaurant managers and waitresses out there. Don’t reassure customers that the black hair hanging from their food looked like an “eyelash” when it was sticking out at least an inch. I know that was no eyelash. Don’t tell me about your staff’s hairnet use and cautious cooking. Obviously they weren’t too cautious this time.

I think the best thing a manager could do is kindly apologize and be on their way. Accidents happen and I realize that, just leave me to swallow the acid in my throat and regain composure of my stomach.  Don’t make any excuses. I’ll come back to your restaurant when I’m ready to come back.

To go, or not to go?

09 Jun 2011 11 Comments

by Natalie in Dealing with Death, My Angel Baby, Uncategorized

My oldest son leaving dinosaurs for his baby brother to play with Memorial Day weekend.

I stopped by the cemetery last Sunday to visit my son’s grave. But I honestly don’t know if I should have gone.

I’ve decided I don’t like going to the place where I buried the child I never got to meet. Every time I go there I leave with a very heavy, sad heart. It’s like the weight of his death comes back crashing down on me.

I have a number of friends who find peace and solace at their child’s resting place. Not me. I feel awkward going there. I don’t know how to act.

Am I supposed to talk to the air and hope he’s nearby listening? Because even if he’s able to visit different places on earth, I don’t know that he’s there all the time waiting for me to come.

Am I supposed to lay a blanket out and sit near his headstone while I reflect on his short life? Because I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. I thought about taking a cake with me on his first birthday but I am pretty sure our cemetery has rules against picnicking on burial grounds.

Am I supposed to sob at the site, overwhelmed at his loss? Because I am at times overwhelmed, but I am not the kind to openly express my heartache by crying. Write about it? Yes. Break down in the middle of daylight at my son’s grave? Not my style.

So what should I do? I feel helpless when I go there. What can I possibly do for my angel son? I finally threw a plastic bucket and a couple of toothbrushes in the back of my van so we could scrub his headstone each time we visit. My boys love that and it makes me feel like I am at least performing one simple act of service for my lost baby.

I honestly feel bad that we don’t visit the cemetery more often. I feel bad that I don’t like going there. I’m hoping my feelings will change but right now it’s really hard for me. I feel like I gave that earth a piece of my soul the day we covered his tiny casket and it’s a very painful place.

I find myself asking the question, should I go or should I not go? I want to pay tribute to his memory and find a place where I can feel close to him, but I don’t know how or where. And then there’s another question that eats at me making me feel guilty for not visiting his gravesite more often: If I don’t go, does that mean I am letting him go?

Fighting Back

02 Jun 2011 4 Comments

by Natalie in Parenting Battles Tags: , , , ,

Author’s note: I wrote this post about a month ago. Normally my oldest is really well behaved, but every once in a while we get to see his crazy, wild, freaking out side.

I failed big time as a mother today. I spanked my oldest son and put him in time out. I lost my temper and yelled at him harder and louder than I have in a long, long time – All because I refused to let him wear a hideously mismatched outfit to preschool.

If he wants to look like a fool within the comfort of our home that’s fine, but I won’t let him look like a maniac in public.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, “What harm is there in him wearing crazy clothes?” The truth? There isn’t any. His wardrobe selection was not the problem. The underlying issue was his reaction to me telling him “NO.” When he acts like a raging bull because he doesn’t get his way … that’s when I have a problem.

If he would have asked in a kind, calm tone with a cheesy, toothy grin, I probably would have let him wear his ugly bear camouflage shirt with his bright green pants. But his rotten resistance and poisonous attitude set me off.

He grunts and whines and screams if he doesn’t get his way. He pouts and growls and charges. Recently he has resorted to hitting, kicking and even biting me in an effort to get what he wants.

That behavior is unacceptable in my opinion and I’m not going to take it anymore. I’ve got to find a successful way to show him that he can’t act like that.

It’s going to be a battle — not only with him but with myself.  Normally I feel guilty for punishing him. I hear him crying from his bedroom and want to console him. I want to cuddle to him and tell him everything is going to be all right. Everything will be all right, but he isn’t going to get everything he wants — especially if he tries to hurt me. I can’t feel guilty for establishing some boundaries.

I am going to have to buck up and show him some tough love. As I told him today, “He is not the boss around here, I am.” I said that coupled with the disclaimer that I am never going to ask him to do something that will harm him, scare him or make him nervous.

I plan to set him on his bed in time-out as many times as it takes in order for him to realize that he can’t flip out like a crazy man. No matter how much he cries from his bedroom, I can’t cave in anymore to his tantrums. Wish me luck and let’s hope I can keep my temper in check.