Fighting Back

Author’s note: I wrote this post about a month ago. Normally my oldest is really well behaved, but every once in a while we get to see his crazy, wild, freaking out side.

I failed big time as a mother today. I spanked my oldest son and put him in time out. I lost my temper and yelled at him harder and louder than I have in a long, long time – All because I refused to let him wear a hideously mismatched outfit to preschool.

If he wants to look like a fool within the comfort of our home that’s fine, but I won’t let him look like a maniac in public.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, “What harm is there in him wearing crazy clothes?” The truth? There isn’t any. His wardrobe selection was not the problem. The underlying issue was his reaction to me telling him “NO.” When he acts like a raging bull because he doesn’t get his way … that’s when I have a problem.

If he would have asked in a kind, calm tone with a cheesy, toothy grin, I probably would have let him wear his ugly bear camouflage shirt with his bright green pants. But his rotten resistance and poisonous attitude set me off.

He grunts and whines and screams if he doesn’t get his way. He pouts and growls and charges. Recently he has resorted to hitting, kicking and even biting me in an effort to get what he wants.

That behavior is unacceptable in my opinion and I’m not going to take it anymore. I’ve got to find a successful way to show him that he can’t act like that.

It’s going to be a battle — not only with him but with myself.  Normally I feel guilty for punishing him. I hear him crying from his bedroom and want to console him. I want to cuddle to him and tell him everything is going to be all right. Everything will be all right, but he isn’t going to get everything he wants — especially if he tries to hurt me. I can’t feel guilty for establishing some boundaries.

I am going to have to buck up and show him some tough love. As I told him today, “He is not the boss around here, I am.” I said that coupled with the disclaimer that I am never going to ask him to do something that will harm him, scare him or make him nervous.

I plan to set him on his bed in time-out as many times as it takes in order for him to realize that he can’t flip out like a crazy man. No matter how much he cries from his bedroom, I can’t cave in anymore to his tantrums. Wish me luck and let’s hope I can keep my temper in check.

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amanda S.
    Jun 02, 2011 @ 18:28:28

    I struggle with my temper, too. I think its because I just get so overwhelmed with all the demands on me (and usually the over-stimulation that comes with having ADHD, 5 kids and being pregnant) that I just blow up. Definitely something I need to work on now that school’s out and they’re ALL HOME! 🙂
    You’re right to continue punishing bad behavior. One of my kids has a pretty bad temper herself and I know that sometimes she just needs to let out her frustrations, so I give her permission! Of course, she has to go off by herself somewhere and let it all out because no one wants to be around a whining, out of control child (Especially me!). I’ve even found that SHE knows when she needs a time out (not the sitting in the “naughty spot” kind…) and she’ll go to her room, scream and throw things, then clean it all up and come back upstairs ready to have an actual conversation. This didn’t happen overnight, but once I recognized that this particular child (the ONLY one, btw) NEEDED to get her frustrations out that way, it made it easier to find a better way to parent her.
    I also learned about myself in the process….I need to throw tantrums sometimes, too! (Who do you think she got it from???) I just need to remember to NOT do it in front of my children and in direct response to their bad behavior. Still working on that one….;)
    Good luck! You’re a great mom, and I know those boys will benefit from your loving discipline.

    Reply

    • Natalie
      Jun 02, 2011 @ 22:11:17

      Thanks Amanda. I love that you have your daughter figured out.I need to find out what works best for my little guy so he can ease his frustrations. We do all need to throw “tantrums.” I need my alone freaking out time too 🙂

      Reply

  2. Christie
    Jun 02, 2011 @ 21:40:19

    Emma doesn’t so much throw tantrums as much as she whines and pouts. It still bugs the heck out of me and whenever she acts bratty to get her way, I resist harder.

    Reply

    • Natalie
      Jun 02, 2011 @ 22:04:44

      I HATE whining! I’m with you on resisting harder. I am a very stubborn person so when my kids whine and beg it gives me more ammunition for digging in my heels and standing my ground.

      Reply

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