The Turn Off

09 Aug 2012 Leave a comment

by Natalie in Failed Housewife, Uncategorized, What's a mom to do?

I’ve picked up on a horrible habit the past month while nursing my newborn. I have spent the majority of his 30-45 minute chow times scanning my social media accounts on my cell phone. Considering he eats an average of 7 times per day, that’s about four hours of time I have been wasting online daily.

And it’s starting to get me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I love checking in on people – especially on Facebook – but let me tell you how little things change when you are surfing the site every three hours for half an hour at a time.

I knew something was getting to me lately, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. Was it a mild case of post-partum depression? Not nearly enough sleep? Keeping my oldest two boys from killing each other the last two weeks of summer? A combination of all of the above?

I didn’t know exactly, but something was eating at me, leaving me with no desire to do the things I normally enjoy. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like weeding my garden, and I used to love weeding my garden.

It wasn’t until I read an article from my junk email folder that I discovered a big part of what was making me blue – digital depression.

I think I have been getting way too much computer and cell phone face time.

The brief article talked about the potential computers, phones and video games have to make people feel more connected, but that they can also make people feel dejected.

I’ve got to get a grip and flip the switch on my social media overload.

Just think about what else I could be doing with my spare time. How many books could I read? How much Italian could I finally learn? How much more attention could I be giving my children?

There are a number of things I could be doing.

Now I’m not saying digital overload is the only thing draining me. I am definitely exhausted. Having a new baby has worn me out.

But I think that if I cut back on checking into my “social” life to just a couple of times per day, I will feel better.

So I’ve got new rules for myself. I’m not the type to completely delete my online accounts but there will be no online checking in during meal times, no online checking in while playing with my kids and no online checking in while nursing.

Hopefully logging out will help me log back in to the things I used to love.

My Summertime Shadow

02 Aug 2012 7 Comments

by Natalie in Parenting Battles, What's a mom to do?

I love my 6-year-old son with all of my heart. Letting him start kindergarten last year nearly killed me. But after spending two months of summer vacation with him, I’m feeling smothered.

The kid ALWAYS has to be right beside me.

If we are playing outside and I need to run in the house to check on dinner – he has to come with me. If we are playing the Wii downstairs and I need to run upstairs to check on his baby brother – he has to come with me. If we are cleaning up and I need to throw something away in the outside garbage – he has to come with me.

I am almost never alone.

I know what you are thinking. How cute! This little boy LOVES his mom. But I don’t think the crazy kid does it because he is enamored with me. I’m pretty sure he does it because he’s terrified of being by himself.

On two separate occasions I put him in the bathtub then ran downstairs to throw in some laundry. About five seconds down the stairs I heard little footsteps running frantically across the kitchen.

One of those times his slippery naked bum slid across the wet kitchen floor while he was racing to see where I went. He hopped out of the tub and ran across our upstairs because he was too afraid to be by himself for two minutes.

I was so mad that I didn’t have much sympathy when he hurt himself in the buff.

One night, after the boys were in bed, I made the mistake of running around the corner to pick something up from a neighbor’s house. My husband was home, but he was outside mowing the lawn. I tried to sneak out our front door, but apparently my oldest heard me.

I was gone three minutes, but I am pretty sure he screamed and cried the whole time. I honestly felt bad that he was so scared, but on the other hand I was so mad that he didn’t trust me. I have told him numerous times that I will NEVER leave him completely alone.

You can bet I won’t try to sneak away again – even if his dad is home but mowing the lawn outside. And he won’t let me.

His bedroom is on the same side of the house as the outside door we use the most. Unfortunately the storm door screeches wildly when swung. If I try to go outside for any reason after his 8:30 p.m. bedtime I can almost guarantee that he’ll hang over the side of his top bunk bed and pull open the blinds to see who has escaped.

I feel like a prisoner in my own house.

I think Kindergarten actually made him worse. I don’t know if during his 8-hour school days he spent any time alone – except to use the bathroom. He was clingy before the school year started, but now he’s holding onto me with a death grip.

I’ve got to find some comforting ways to let him know that he is OK on his own; to reassure him that I won’t leave him in danger. I’ve got to lovingly show him that although I love him more than anything and love spending time with him, sometimes I need my space.

I can kind of sympathize with the kid. I remember hating when my parents would ask me to fetch something from the dungeon-like basement of my childhood. I was scared to death to go downstairs alone. Sometime I’d make my younger brother go with and then I would run as fast as I could back upstairs, leaving him in the dust to be eaten by anything that lurked in the shadows.

But I am pretty sure my fears were centered mostly around the basement. At least I would like to think that I gave my mom a break every once and a while and didn’t hover by her side ALL of the time.

I feel schizophrenic writing this post because last fall I wrote how my heart was breaking sending my oldest to school. And although I feel like I need some space, I still don’t want to send him to first grade this fall.

I honestly love being with him. But I also want to be able to not be with him for a few minutes here and there.

I’ve got to get to the bottom of what is making him feel so scared when alone. Then hopefully I can sometimes shake my shadow for a few moments of freedom.

Reading Babies??? Update – Your Baby Can’t Really Read

26 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by Natalie in Parenting Battles, What's a mom to do? Tags: , , ,

Photo of Braxton Hill taken by Angie Hill.

Apparently I am not the only one who was skeptical of the hypnotic, overplayed annoyingly distracting commercials for a company touting the ability to teach a baby to read.

Last week the Today show ran a story on the “Your baby can read” company. A company that claimed its product could teach a baby to read using repetition, flashcards and DVDs.

Jeff Rossen, a Today Show correspondent, did a story on the company in 2010. He talked to experts from Harvard, Tufts and NYU about the company’s product and they all said the same thing – the babies using the program were not in fact learning to read, but were simply memorizing images of words on flashcards.

Not only did the experts say that the company was “misleading” parents, but that the product could potentially harm the babies by exposing them to too much television.

Last week the Today show updated the public on the story, stating that “Your Baby Can Read” is now out of business.

I am sorry if you were sucked in and purchased the program thinking your child would end up stepping into kindergarten ahead of the curve. Heaven knows my boys begged me on a number of occasions to order the program. Commercials for the product regularly interrupted their favorite cartoon shows.

Thankfully I didn’t see any value in teaching my toddler to read. Like I said in my previous blog post about the product, I want my children to succeed, to be smart and capable, but I also think there is a time and a season to all things.

And we all know how much I love my children watching TV. I wasn’t about to buy something that encouraged my tiny kids to stare at the boob tube for hours on end.

If you click on the “Your Baby Can Read” website you will find an open letter from the company to its loyal customers. Here’s part of what it says:

“Regretfully, the cost of fighting recent legal issues has left us with no option but to cease business operations. While we deny any wrongdoing, and strongly believe in our products, the fight has drained our resources to the point where we can no longer continue operating.”

I was glad that someone did some research on the program and was able to shed some light on its effectiveness. And I still stick to my original blog post’s question:
Why on earth would you teach your 18-month-old baby to read? You don’t teach someone to run before they can walk, so why teach someone to read before they can talk?

Check out the Your Baby Can Read website here:
http://www.yourbabycanread.com/

Watch the recent Today Show story on the company here:
http://www.tv.com/shows/the-today-show/watch/your-baby-can-read-company-out-of-business-2512611/

Say What? Stupid things you shouldn’t tell a grieving parent

19 Jul 2012 9 Comments

by Natalie in Dealing with Death Tags: , , , ,

I took dinner to a friend recently whose husband died suddenly. When I got there, I said something I never should have.

The whole way there I kept telling myself, “Don’t say it. Don’t say it.”  But the first three words that blurted out of my mouth when she opened the door to let me in were, “How are you?”

“How are you?” She just lost her husband, the father to her five children. I am sure she didn’t want to answer that question – even if she had an answer.

I felt like chucking the food tray up the stairs to her kitchen then running back to my car and driving off in shame. I was horrified, mortified.

I promised myself after Luca died that I wouldn’t ask anyone that question. It is one of the absolute worst things to say to someone who is mourning.

Yet I blurted it out to a friend robotically, without even thinking.

Unfortunately, our American society uses those three insincere words as a basic greeting. We all say it – all the time. But how often do we mean it? Do we really care how one another feels? Do we stop and let them respond?

Obviously I am guilty of speaking before thinking, but my most recent experience got me thinking about other stupid things we say.

I’ll never forget walking into the mortuary with a tiny white tuxedo to dress my lifeless little boy just four days after I had delivered him. A mortuary worker opened the door for my husband and I, saw the suit and said, “That’s a nice outfit, where is the baby?” All we could say was, “I hope you guys have him.”

Seriously? I don’t know how someone who works at a mortuary could have said something so stupid.

But we all make mistakes.

I’ve compiled a short list of phrases I hated to hear after Luca died. There are more, but these are the most common, ridiculous ones. Hopefully if I can focus really hard, I will avoid saying them to others who are grieving.

“He’s in a better place” – Really? Now I know it’s been at least 28 years since I was last in heaven, and it probably still is a pretty nice place, but is my home all that bad? Would living with me be the worst thing that would have happened to him?

“I know how you feel” – I have met several women who have had stillborn babies and although their stories are very similar to mine, I still have NO idea how they feel, nor do they know how I feel about my loss. So how can I expect someone who has never given birth to, then buried their deceased baby, to “know” how I feel? I think we say this way too often. We may have good intentions in trying to understand how others feel, and we may be able to relate, but we will never know how each other feels.

“I just keep thinking about all the missed opportunities you are going to have” – Thanks. I hadn’t actually thought about the life span of my deceased infant and all of the major life events I am going to miss out on. I needed the reminder that I won’t get to see him take his first steps, play his first t-ball game, walk into kindergarten for the first time, etc.

“I had a friend whose baby almost died…” – ALMOST died? I don’t even want to hear about it. For some reason there are a lot of people who when they hear about my experience, feel the need to relate by telling me of someone they know who almost had a baby die. I don’t want to hear about your acquaintance’s miracle baby. I don’t want to know how they too had a baby’s whose cord was knotted. I don’t care how awesome it was that their child is still alive. It makes me too bitter.

“At least you didn’t really know them.” – Right. I think not knowing them adds to my heartache. At what age would you chose for your child to die? None? That’s what I thought.

“Aren’t you going to hurry and have another one?” In case you didn’t notice, I just endured a 9-month pregnancy then delivery. I should probably pay off my hospital bills and let my body heal before working on having another baby. And who knows when my heart will feel ready to try again.

“At least he is safe from harm. Now you won’t have to worry about him as a teenager” – As crazy as it may sound, I would have loved to have worried about him as a teenager.

“You’ll get to raise them someday” – Now this one I honestly believe and I am completely looking forward to, but I still don’t like to hear it. I wanted to raise my son NOW. While he could play and wrestle with his brothers. While we were all in the same home. It’s hard to remember eternity with empty, aching arms.

Nothing. – As scary and uncomfortable as it may be to speak to someone who has recently lost a loved one, I think avoiding the death and pretending it never happened may be worse. It becomes a giant elephant in the room, threatening to stampede at times. If you can’t think of anything, “I’m so sorry,” is a good place to start.

Living With My Rainbow

12 Jul 2012 7 Comments

by Natalie in Dealing with Death, Pregnant After a Loss

Sometimes after a dark, cold storm, when the rain is done chilling you to the bone, when the wind is done taking your breath away, when the clouds disperse and the sky reappears, a burst of light shines from the heavens and colors bow over the earth.

And although you still feel dampness in the air, the rainbow’s color fills you with light and hope.

Last week I caught the first glimpse of my rainbow. After 9 very long months, my rainbow baby boy was born July 3. And he is beautiful.

The past couple of years have been filled with storms for my family and me. The rains started pouring April 22, 2010 when I delivered my third son stillborn.

At times during the past 2 years I have felt like a hurricane has swarmed around my house, like I was drowning in my trials. And no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the storm.

But now I feel like I am basking in the sunlight. For some reason, things have taken a turn for the better for me.

Some of you who have read my blog in the past know that it was difficult for me to get pregnant this time around. And still after a year of trying I was not only thrilled, but terrified that a new life was inside me.

This pregnancy was probably my easiest one physically. Aside from the usual heartburn and joint pain, I was actually quite comfortable.

But mentally I thought I was going to go crazy – especially the last month. I don’t know how many times a day I would do the 10-movements-in-2-hours kick count. I knew that if something went wrong, I would be the first to know and that stressed me right out.

At my 37-week appointment my doctor said he would be willing to induce my labor early, as long as my body was ready. I keep praying it would be ready. At 38 weeks I was dilated to a 1 and 50 percent effaced. That was enough to schedule the induction.

I hardly slept the night before I was so excited and anxious. My boys were excited too. They woke up at 5:30 in the morning.

Our dark-haired, chubby-cheeked little guy came just after 2 in the afternoon and I have never been so happy to hear a tiny baby cry. He was a week early, but was still a good 7 pounds 6 ounces.

And as much as I love our new little addition, his brothers may have me beat. I have never seen two little boys swarm around a baby like my oldest two boys swarm around our newborn. They are enamored by him and want to be right next to him all of the time.

The past week and a half has felt like a dream. I still can’t believe our baby is real, and that we got to bring him home.

I am sure there will be times when my storm will return, for I’ll never forget, nor ever be able to replace the beautiful baby I buried 2 years ago. And I will always feel saddened that my husband and I will never have all of our children together.

But for now I am going to bask in the colors of my rainbow and soak in his glow.

I think Courtney said it perfectly on babycenter.org:

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

The Meltdown

05 Jul 2012 3 Comments

by Natalie in Parenting Battles, What's a mom to do?

We made such a mess at the ice cream parlor last week that I don’t know if my husband will ever take us back.

We let the boys choose their own flavors. Of course my oldest chose the brightest blue cotton candy ice cream I have ever seen. To top it off, he decided to get gumballs mixed in.

My first instinct was to change his mind. But then I remembered all the times my older sister and I ordered pink bubblegum ice cream from Baskin Robbins and the hours it took us to eat it because we would spit the fluorescent pink square-shaped gum cubes into a napkin. That way we could eat them later.

Maybe he would like doing that too.

Before I had even taken a lick of my own chocolate Reese’s cone I turned to see his chin dripping with bright blue goo as he struggled to eat both the gumballs and the ice cream.

He was torn.

I taught him the napkin trick but that only made it worse. I sat across from him, and watched him regurgitate diced up gumballs onto a napkin while leaning over and dipping his shirtsleeve deep into his ice cream bowl each time. He was a mess.

But all I could do was laugh. That made matters worse — for me.

The next thing I knew the bottom of my waffle cone had sprung a leak and I was dripping chocolate all the way down my front. I couldn’t even see past my pregnant belly to know where the drips were.

Once again I started laughing.  I snorted all over and spilled even worse than either of my boys. I had ice cream coming out my nose and mouth.

My husband had to bail me out with a big fist full of napkins.

A few more blue and chocolate shirt stains and a dozen napkins later, my 5-year-old and I were finally done.

I am sure my husband was relieved. I eat ice cream a lot, but I have never had a meltdown like that at the local parlor.  We made a big mess.

But I can’t wait to go again.

A Moment of Fame

28 Jun 2012 6 Comments

by Natalie in Uncategorized

Last week I drug my 9-month pregnant butt off of the couch and out of the house for a fancy night at a local news station. KSL Studio opened its doors to a group of Utah women bloggers last Wednesday to meet the new Eyewitness News team, tour the studio and eat cheesecake.


It was a great night. I was able to meet a bunch of amazing bloggers who are all much more creative than I.  We swarmed the station for a couple of hours before the nightly 10 p.m. news taping.

Ethan Millard and Alex Kirry let each of us introduce our blogs on the their KSL nighttime radio show The Nightside Project. It was a blast talking about Boogers On The Wall into a microphone nearly the size of my head.

We bloggers wandered around the studio rubbing shoulders with Kevin Eubank, Mike Headrick, Dave McCann, Brooke Walker and more. It was fun to shake hands with the local celebrities who I enjoy watching on a regular basis. (I always have to fight my husband to watch channel 5.)

I finally got to meet Deanie Wimmer — one of the reasons I went into journalism. You would have thought I would have run into her while reporting for the station’s partner newspaper, The Deseret News, but I only made it to the news station a couple of times during my Deseret News days and never saw her.

Deanie started at KSL right about the same time I was deciding what to major in at college. I really liked her style and thought I would like being a broadcast student.

Turns out I’d rather do the writing than camera face time and chose print instead, but I have still always liked her.

And as you can see below in the fake news segment I taped during the event, I am probably much better suited for print.

Boy was I terrible. My co-anchor Nike Peterson was awesome, but I couldn’t figure out where to look or what to say.

You would think with my communication degree I would have known a little about what to do, but somehow I skipped out of taking any broadcast classes during college. Here’s the rough taping. I had a great time. Enjoy!

Oh What Do You Do In the Summertime?

21 Jun 2012 4 Comments

by Natalie in Uncategorized, What We Do/Make for Fun, What's a mom to do?

ImageSummer. The time when we don’t eat breakfast ’til 9 a.m. and don’t get dressed until noon. The time when I get my 5 year-old back and he plays happily with his younger brother – most of the time.

The time when I have to find at least one thing to do each day to get us out of the house or I’ll go crazy!

I’ve heard other moms talking about how excited they are to have their kids home again during the summer. I’m dying to know what those moms do with them all day.

I love having my boys home together, but I am always interested in ways to entertain all of us – ways that don’t include Netflix or Wii Games.

We have done a bunch of fun things during the first month of summer, and have made a pretty good list of more activities we want to do, but I want to know what you guys are doing.  How are you spending your summer?

Check out all of the fun, inexpensive things we have done so far and let me know what other things appear on your list. That way I will know what else to add to our Summer Bucket List.

Here’s what we’ve done:

1.    Wild Wednesday at The Ogden Nature Center: This is one of my boys’ favorite activities. We went the last week in May and learned about Raptor birds. At Wild Wednesdays kids are taught about a specific topic in a classroom setting, then they get to go out on the grounds and learn about it hands-on. My boys are major nature geeks so they eat those type of activities right up. Here is a link to the center’s website: http://www.ogdennaturecenter.org/

2.    The Ogden Eccles Dinosaur Park: There are a handful of things to do at the Dinosaur Park. My boys like to dig for fossils and watch employees glue dinosaur bones together. I got an email this week saying that this summer they have story time in the education center Monday through Saturday at 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. and on Sundays at 2 p.m. They are also having a different summer project featured in the education center each week. Here is a link to their website: http://www.dinosaurpark.org/

3.    Treehouse Museum: We love the Treehouse Museum. The museum staff is always changing and improving the hands-on activities. Normally when we go, there is a craft the kids can do in the art garden and in the afternoon there is a partici-play going on where they can help act out a story on the stage. It’s a great place to go for a couple of hours. Click here for more information: http://www.treehousemuseum.org/

4.    Fishing at a community fishery: My boys like fishing whether we catch anything or not. But, I don’t like driving far and hauling a bunch of stuff with us. So, local community fisheries are perfect. We normally go to the Roy Pond – where we have actually caught some fish. Here is a link to a list of Utah’s fisheries: http://wildlife.utah.gov/dwr/fishing/community-fisheries.html

5.    99 cent miniature golf at Fat Cats: Fat Cats has an amazing deal this summer. Bowling, shoes, miniature golf and bumper cars are all 99 cents each this summer – Monday through Friday from 11 a.m. – 6 p.m. I took the boys miniature golfing and it was a blast. We plan on going back for bowling and bumper cars. Find out more info. here: http://fatcatsfun.com/

6.    Splash Pad: I think I love the splash pad more than my boys do. We have been to a couple of splash pads, but I particularly like the Riverdale one with its mature trees that provide great shade. I get to sit and visit with other moms while keeping an eye on my boys. We don’t normally stay very long, but it is definitely a great place to cool off. And it’s free! Here is a link to info. about the Riverdale Splash Pad: http://www.riverdalecity.com/meetings_events/special_events/Splash_Pad.html

7.    Matinee Movie: There are so many theaters with summer movie deals for kids with shows as little as $1 each. We went and saw Madagascar 3 (which wasn’t part of a movie deal) but hope to go see more movies, particularly if they are only $1. Normally the movie deals are for older shows, but some of them we still haven’t seen. Here are links to information on the summer programs at a few local theaters:

Megaplex Theaters: http://www.megaplextheatres.com/KidsMovieMagic

Syracuse 6 Theater: http://www.syracuse6.com/index.cfm

Cinemark Theaters: http://www.cinemark.com/summer-movie-clubhouse-2012

8.    Discovery time at the local library: My boys LOVE to read. So they love discovery time. But I like it too because they get to sing, dance around, make a craft and more! Here is a link to the Weber County Library Website: http://www.weberpl.lib.ut.us/ and the Davis County Library Website: http://www.co.davis.ut.us/library/

9.    Neighborhood Treasure Hunt: My creative neighbor put together a pirate-style treasure hunt a couple of weeks ago. It was great! She hid clues at different spots around the neighborhood and we all went loose looking for them. The kids ran around the block getting out some of their excess energy and they loved finding a box full of bracelets, rings, temporary tattoos and chocolate.

10. Water Balloon Fights/running through the sprinklers:  Summer would not be complete without my boys chucking water balloons at their poor, innocent mother. They love both filling them up and throwing them down. This is the first year they have wanted to run through the sprinkler. I’m all for it – especially on a hot day.

Our Summer Bucket List – we hope to make it to the following places:

  1. Bingham Canyon Mine – http://www.kennecott.com/
  2. Old Springs Trout Farm – http://www.coldspringstroutfarm.com/
  3. Union Station Train Museums – http://theunionstation.org/
  4. Tracy Aviary – http://www.tracyaviary.org/
  5. Hogle Zoo – http://www.hoglezoo.org/

Baby?

13 Jun 2012 10 Comments

by Natalie in Dealing with Death, Pregnant After a Loss

I am less than a month from my due date and feeling a little overwhelmed.

At times anxiety threatens to take over my every though and action. Other times the thought of actually bringing home a little baby boy stresses me to the max.

I have only written a few times during the past 37 weeks about what it has been like to carry a life after the last one I carried died. It is terrifying, exciting, hope inspiring, and stressful to say the least.

There are times when I feel absolutely fine. Almost like I am not even pregnant. I think my mind has naturally slightly detached itself from the baby my body is carrying. It has kept a safe distance – in order to protect itself in case of another tragedy.

A lot of times when I think about bringing a baby to my house I don’t even know what to do.  I can’t wrap my mind around that. It has been a long time since I have nursed or diapered a little one. I have major feelings of inadequacy.

I don’t even know if I am ready to care for this baby.

There’s a small closet in my bathroom that is stocked chuck full of diapers, wipes, toiletries and other baby essentials. I am pretty sure I have everything you could possibly need or want for this baby. But that doesn’t mean I have it all out.

I bought a new dresser and filled it with clothes, but everything else is at bay. Until I bring my little bundle of joy home, I will not get out the car seat or stroller and you better believe I will not set up the bassinet or crib.

Those were the hardest things to take down after Luca died.

My mother-in-law bought me the cutest new diaper bag. I have halfway filled it. I know I should get it ready, in case there is a moment of panic, but I just can’t – yet.

There have been times during the past 8 months when I am sure my baby is going to die. The fact that I am the first one who will know if he stops moving has almost been too much to bear.

He is particularly still in the morning. But no matter how many times I tell myself that is normal for him, I still end up lying in fear on my side in my bed waiting, worrying.

There are times throughout the day when I try to remember the last time he moved. Sometimes I’ll stop everything I am doing and sit still on my couch for a long while until I feel him kick or wiggle.

If only he could move and squirm all of the time. Although it may be unsettling, at least I would know he is alive.

I am anywhere between 36-38 weeks pregnant – depending how you count. That means I have anywhere between 2-4 weeks to wait. Yet another reason why this control freak is stressing. Add my weekly shots that I was taking to stop my body from going into premature labor, and I have no idea when the little one will arrive.

Thank heavens the natural nesting instinct has kicked in, keeping me busy cleaning every nook and cranny in my home. It might be driving my husband crazy, but it helps with my anxiety and allows me to feel in control of something.

But I am running out of nooks and crannies. Hopefully I deliver soon. The anticipation is killing me.

Sometimes I want to scream out loud, “Am I really going to have a baby?” It still hasn’t sunk in.

At this point I know I am going to HAVE to deliver, but will I get to HAVE my baby?

Code This!

07 Jun 2012 2 Comments

by Natalie in What's a mom to do?

I hate dealing with insurance companies and billing departments. I don’t know why I even bother.

OK, I lied. I know why I bother. Because there is no way I am going to pay for something that is, or might be, covered on my plan.

But recently I am starting to wonder if my insurance denies claims and billing departments bill me in multiples, just to try to get some stuff to sneak through the cracks in hopes that they can get me to pay more, more often.

I have had a heck of a time with a few bills lately.

I took my 5-year-old to a pediatric cardiologist at Primary Children’s Hospital last December. He had been complaining that his “heart hurt” and with my husband’s family history of strange heart mishaps I wanted to make sure everything was all right.

The doctor ordered a heart event monitor for him to wear to track what was going on. No big deal. He wore it for nearly two months and everything ended up being normal.

I was feeling really good about everything. Until I got two random bills from other doctors at a neighboring hospital (The University of Utah) who were claiming that my son had seen them.

I had never heard of them before and I am pretty sure my kindergartner didn’t take himself to Salt Lake for any appointments.

Turns out they read my son’s heart monitor results and were billing me for their services. Unfortunately, because of the way they coded their bill when sending it to my insurance, their claims were being denied and I had over $200 I needed to pay.

Excuse me? First of all I have never even met these two doctors. Second of all, I never gave consent for them to read my sons test results. Third of all, their claims to my insurance were being denied!

I was stuck with a bill from two people I didn’t know, for something I didn’t agree to.

Lame.

After checking with my insurance company I found out it was a simple coding difference. The original doctor from Primary Children’s coded my son’s diagnosis as “chest pains” (which makes sense because his heart was “hurting”). The two new doctors were coding the diagnosis as “heart palpitations.” Which, according to my insurance isn’t something that can be treated by a heart monitor. Therefore they denied the claims.

Good luck trying to call any billing department to tell them they made a coding mistake. According to the University of Utah billing department they can’t change codes. The “coders” have to do that. But when I asked to speak with the coders, no one knew how to get a hold of them. Apparently no one speaks to the coders…ever.

They must be holed up in the middle of the building in a dark, windowless room working without contact to the outside world.

Seriously? No one speaks to the coders? I doubt that.

All I needed to do was pass along the information to them to change the code from “heart palpitations” to “chest pains.”

That’s when the billing department told me that they have to go by the doctor’s notes when determining codes. They couldn’t change it if that’s what the doctor’s diagnosis was.

The doctor’s diagnosis? We didn’t even see either of the doctors who were billing it wrong. Why in the world would they code the diagnosis differently than the original doctor who saw my son in the flesh?

I don’t know what is going to happen with these claims, hopefully I will hear back next week, but I do know that I am going to do everything in my power to get them worked out before I write out a check.

This is not the first time I have had to call and check in on things. I feel like I have comb over every bill, claim and submission to make sure things are being covered correctly.

I am very grateful to have insurance, I just hate the run around I get and that sometimes I have to fight really hard to get things paid.

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