Boogers on the Wall

Let’s talk mammograms for a minute. All of my life I have been terrified of the evil boob pinching x-ray machine. I’ve heard horror stories from female friends who relate the experience to running your bosom over with a semi truck.

So last month when I found a tiny lump in my chest I was terrified. (The lump turned out to be harmless, thank heavens.)

But when I found it, my doctor thought a diagnostic mammogram would give us both peace of mind. She ordered me one and sent me to the imaging department a week later.

I was so scared. So scared that I considered asking for pain meds or muscle relaxers before the procedure.

But it wasn’t that bad.

The technologist prepped me on what she was going to do and put me at ease. I’m not big chested, so there’s not a lot to grab and pull into the picture-taking area, but somehow she managed to do it. She pulled my skin until she was satisfied and then the machine squeezed down tight.

Now, I’m not going to lie, it was tight. My chest was flatter than a pancake. But I didn’t feel like it had been run over. Just squished.

I was squished several times before it was all over.

And I survived.

My point? All women should get mammograms. If you are worried that it will hurt too much or that you don’t have time, trust me. It’s not that bad. And I was in and out of there in an hour. Tops.

They even did an ultrasound and read me my results right then.

I don’t know if technology is getting better and making it less invasive and less painful or if I psyched myself out because of all of the bad jokes and stories I have heard about the procedure so when I finally did it I was happily surprised by its mildness. Either way, I will take it.

And you should too. Early detection saves lives.

I’d take a mammogram over a Pap smear any day.