Boogers on the Wall

Me and my kids dropping off gifts at The Christmas Box House on Monday in memory of our son Luca who was stillborn April 2010.

Six years ago our hearts were heavy as we prepared for the holiday season. Christmastime is hard for grieving families yearning for peace and comfort. It would be the first Christmas we would have a special loved one in heaven.

Luca’s stillbirth in April 2010 was a shock to all of us. All of the hopes and excitement of bringing home a baby bundle of joy were shattered. With the holidays approaching we longed to have him near. But we couldn’t.

Would he have stared wide-eyed at the lights on our Christmas tree? Would he like playing in the snow? We would have loved to experience his first encounter with Santa Claus. What would he have brought our baby boy?

We would never know. We wouldn’t need to get any gifts for him. Ever.

And yet we yearned to.

So instead of buying things he would never need, that first year we decided to adopt a little boy his same age to give gifts to. We picked a name off of our neighborhood’s Christmas giving tree and took the money we had saved to give gifts to Luca and spent it on someone else. We didn’t know who got the gifts that year but we knew that we had started something special – something that we have continued.

This will be the seventh time we have given gifts to a boy born in Luca’s same year.

The past few years we have given to The Christmas Box House. We have worked with them on their Project Elf campaign. They give us a little boy and three gift ideas that he has asked for.

We buy the presents then take them in a big bag to the drop off station. My boys love doing this. One year one of them wrote a letter to the little boy – it was hard for me to explain to him that we were being secret elves and that the boy wouldn’t get the letter. But it was so sweet.

This year our boy asked for Legos. Legos! I can’t help think that Luca may have asked for Legos for Christmas this year too if he were here. We love to play with those at our house.

My sweet kids with the toys we donated in memory of their brother this year.

I know it’s not the same as if he was here himself to give presents to. We would much rather have that. But giving to someone else has lessened the hurt in our hearts. It has put a smile on our face knowing that we have helped someone out in a time of need.

I don’t know how long we can keep giving to The Christmas Box House, but I know I never want this tradition to stop. It’s a simple way to keeps Luca’s memory alive at Christmastime. A time when we all want to feel loved ones near.

Here’s a picture from the very first year we donated.