What If I Hate Being A Mom?

I made a major confession to my husband last week at the end of another long summer day.

“I think I hate being a mom,” I said.

Then I followed up with, “What is wrong with me?”

One of my kids is going through some serious stress and anxiety problems, another keeps peeing on the floor and a third one won’t eat any food. The summer days keep getting longer and my breaks keep getting shorter.

I have officially been a mom for nine years now. While there are countless reasons why I love it, the weight of the things I hate about motherhood is crushing my spirit.

I hate that my oldest two can’t go a day without beating up on each other.

I hate that my three-year-old won’t listen when I call his name.

I hate when my kids complain or argue every time I ask them to do something.

I hate when I find piles of stuff shoved in the bottom of their closet – stuff that I asked them to put away.

I hate clipping fingernails and toenails. Do they ever stop growing? And how can I get my kids to clean dirt from under them? Impossible!

I hate that I always have to have a mental catalog of the exact location of every single item we own so that when someone asks me where it is I’ll know the answer.

I hate always having to think about what we’re going to eat for dinner.

I hate that there is always a sink full of dishes waiting for me.

I hate trying to remember the list of things we have run out of that I need to add to the grocery list.

Aside from vacuuming (which I actually find therapeutic), I hate nearly every major cleaning ritual – dusting, mopping, scrubbing, wiping, you name it!

I hate that my kids keep stepping on my toes. Ouch!

I hate not EVER being alone.

I hate feeling stressed, anxious and worried most of the time.

But above of all, I hate that I hate these things. And that there are many more things I didn’t even mention.

I look at this list and my mom guilt takes over. Why do I hate these things? What is wrong with me? Other moms seem to relish each and every aspect of motherhood. Why can’t I?

I should be grateful for my role. Grateful for the joy I have in being a mother. And deep down I really am.

But right now I’m wallowing in my hates. I’m giving myself a chance to vent – get them all out – then I’ll force myself to get over them.

Because like I mentioned earlier, there are countless things that I love about being a mom. The “loves” list is far longer than the “hates” one. Otherwise my spirit would have been crushed long ago.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Anonymous
    Jul 23, 2015 @ 12:46:59

    There is not one mother who I knew that didnt feel like this. Your not a bad mom just a busy one who wants life like you see on tv. Believe me the day will come when you will give anything to have it all back again. Just enjoy the moments. The house work and the endless picking up will wait. They remember the fun things and csnt tell you one thing about how the house looked. Made bed and dishes done everything else can wait.

    Reply

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