Boogers on the Wall

I’m pretty sure I’m the only mother on Earth who doesn’t pay her children an allowance. Just ask my kids – they’ll verify it. Because according to them EVERYONE is getting paid.

Paid for what? For being a decent human being? For contributing to the daily work flow of the house? For learning enough in school to earn top grades?

I’m not paying them for that.

I’ve slowly started adding a few jobs for my oldest two boys to do and you would think I’m robbing them. Robbing them of their time, robbing them of some fun and robbing them by not paying them.

My boys have had it easy. They are almost 6 and 8 years old and up until two months ago I still made their beds. (Granted they had bunk beds that were a little difficult to make, but still.)

I’ve started making them make their own beds – without pay. I know the outrage! This has led to grumbling and crying on some mornings, but I don’t care. They are old enough to tuck in some sheets.

This has also led to them sleeping on top of their covers – luckily it’s summer. They are trying and learning and improving. (I made the mistake one day of getting after my 5-year-old because he hadn’t made his bed yet. Apparently he had – Oops.)

But even if they get so good that I don’t even have to remind them seven times, I’m not going to pay them to make their own bed.

Secondly, I’ve started having them collect one of our garbage cans and dump out its contents every week before garbage day. Yet another chore they thought they should earn some dough doing. No. I’m sorry.

Have you seen the amount of garbage my two boys can produce? They should be helping me pay our monthly utility bill. They can fill a trashcan in minutes. You better believe I’m going to have them help take out the trash – without pay.

Finally, I’ve decided to have them help me fold laundry. Now this is a fun one. I got sick of sitting by myself sorting through and laying out clothes while they got to veg out on the couch watching TV. If I have to fold laundry, they have to fold laundry.

And if you thought the amount of garbage those two produced is impressive, you should check out the amount of laundry they go through. And they aren’t even teenagers.

Folding laundry stinks. I have to tell my sons repeatedly that I hate it too. It’s not like I WANT to fold laundry. But if we didn’t fold it, we’d all have to go naked.

So once again, they are asked to do a regular reoccurring chore without pay. The agony!

About a month ago I caved. I had been sick throwing up all day and couldn’t get off the couch. The living room was a mess and it was driving me crazy. I told them if they could clean up all of their toys in five minutes, they could each earn 25 cents. My youngest was thrilled, my oldest wanted 50 cents.

He argued with me for 10 minutes about how he needed more money while his little brother cleaned up the toys.

So my oldest walked away with nothing.

He cried and cried because his brother got paid and he didn’t.

This clinched it for me. I have been anti-allowance my entire parenting life, but this proved to me that my boys have way too much. They always beg for more. Nothing I offer or do is good enough for them.

And so they can continue doing slave labor.

Maybe I’ll change my mind someday, I doubt it, but maybe.

For now they are getting a pretty good allowance. I ALLOW them to sleep under my roof. I ALLOW them to eat three home cooked meals a day. I ALLOW them to get new school clothes, shoes, underwear, etc. I ALLOW them to watch Netflix, play the Wii, Ipad and Kindle.

The list could go on and on. You get the point. As far as I’m concerned, they get plenty of ALLOWance.