Boogers on the Wall

Dear Luca,

I missed you a lot this past week. We went on a family vacation and at times it felt like something was missing. That something was you.

I thought of you while we drove 10 hours to California. I wondered if you would have gotten carsick like your younger brother. Would both of you have barfed on the way to St. George? What movie would you have asked to watch to help pass the time?

When we made it to Disneyland, I thought of you while waiting in line at the Pirates of the Caribbean rideWould you have been scared of the dark while we plunged into the depths of the pirate world? Or would you have begged to go back three times like your older brothers?

I wondered if you would have been scared of Mickey like your baby brother. And would you have helped us spy for Captain Hook? Maybe you could have pulled the sword out of the stone — because surely you are my prince.

Then I missed you as we left the park. We posed for a family photo in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle. I couldn’t help but think that not all of us would be in that picture.

I guess even at the “Happiest Place on Earth” I still felt heavy-hearted that we all couldn’t enjoy the magic.

We played a lot with our family members who live in the sunny state. Would you have tried to ride the seesaw like a crazy man with your 4-year-old cousin? You probably would have loved going down their slide or riding on their stationary horse.

I thought of you most when we went to the beach. I watched your oldest brother draw your name in the sand with a long, sturdy stick. It made me smile.

The grand waves crashing into the sandy shore reminded me that I am just a small part of this world. I am part of a bigger plan — a plan that at times seems confusing and unfair, but a plan that will all work itself out in the end.

And that’s when we’ll truly go on a family vacation. All of us.

Love,

Mom