Walking to Remember

DSCF2430I don’t have a lot of reasons to do stuff for my third son. I don’t cook him toast for breakfast, I don’t fold his laundry and I’m not sewing him a Halloween costume.

I don’t buy him presents for his birthday or chase him around the back yard while kicking the soccer ball.

Because he died so young I don’t have the chance to do the things I want with him.

But every October I do have something I can do for him. I can walk for him.

Each fall at the Utah Share Walk to Remember I meet with hundreds of others who walk for a baby family member who has gone to soon.

Each of us carries a single balloon. It floats behind us in memory of our tiny loved ones as we walk the footsteps our babies will never take.

I imagine that my baby Luca is floating near me as I walk – that he is drifting aside me like the balloon.

We walk around the Layton Commons Park then meet in the amphitheater where we all wait quietly to hear our baby’s name read aloud. That’s when we send our balloons into the sky.

Most balloons carry special hand-written notes – messages sent to our heavenly angel babies. I love watching the balloons float up into the sky. It’s mesmerizing.

I like to think they float so high that Luca can snatch them from the sky and read the notes we write.  I hope they help him know how much we love and miss him.

Because even though I don’t do very many things for my third baby boy, that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to – that I don’t want to still.

I may not get to do very many things for him and I don’t have very many official opportunities to celebrate his life. But I hope I get to keep walking each year for him.

It helps heal my heart to be able to openly express my love and devotion to my tiny angel.

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