The Pregnant Pause

I know of six different women who live within a half a mile from my home who are pregnant – and that’s not counting me. Not only is there something in my neighborhood’s water, it feels like dozens of my Facebook friends are expecting.

So needless to say I have heard a lot of excited “I’m-going-to-have-a-baby!” type announcements in the past several months.

The problem is, when someone tells me the news there’s an awkward pregnant pause.

Not because there’s a silent break that may lead to the “birth” of a grand announcement, like the pregnant-pause definition suggests, but because when someone tells me they are pregnant, I literally pause.

I have absolutely nothing to say. No words of encouragement or support. No, “I am so happy for you,” and “That is so exciting” phrases seem sincere.

And somehow phrases like, “Good luck,” “I hope your baby is OK,” and “Seriously?” don’t seem situational appropriate.

I feel horrible and yet I don’t know how to change. I’m afraid I have become the sharp pin that bursts every excited mother-to-be’s bubble.

But how can I be thrilled about something that brought me such horrible pain and sorrow? I cross my fingers and pray each day that no one I know will have pregnancy complications. But it still scares me to death.

I guess I am still working through my grief and the anxiety it has forced into my life.

I’m hoping that a safe delivery of my unborn son this summer will reclaim my enthusiasm in childbearing.

Until then, I am sure I’ll give birth to a lot more pauses.

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jackie h
    May 31, 2012 @ 09:21:08

    After losing our 6 babies, I’m the same. Especially when people announce it the day they get a positive test. It’s hard when in your own experience it just doesn’t always end well , but bless their naive hearts and babies 🙂


  2. Elise
    Jun 01, 2012 @ 09:57:17

    I think it totally helped me get a better perspective when I had Davis after my miscarriage, so I hope it helps you too, but mine really was “only” a miscarriage, not a full-term still-born. It still kills me when people announce it the day they get their positive test – I can’t believe they’re that naive and just hope it goes well for them. “You’re a full five weeks along now? Yay for you. But if you lost it now, it’d still be considered a ‘chemical loss’.” But then, I was always one to tell people a little early too (around 8-10 weeks), since I got so sick so quickly each time.

    I laughed really hard when I imagined you telling people those “situationally inappropriate” comments!


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